"what am I going to do with my life?"
Its ironic that I help student discern their calling. I could use some of that right now. Well, that is not totally true - I believe my calling places me in collegiate environments, working with college students. The question today is how does that look in preparation for graduating in 200 days?
I am currently in the process of applying for PhD programs. I am applying at a number of schools, including UCLA and USC.
I'm applying at UCLA for two reasons: 1) it is in California, and I think I'd like to be there (kind of between-ish Wa and Az), and 2) its the highest-ranked program on the West Coast (#3 nationwide). The other top two are Penn State and Univ. of Michigan.
But the more I look at UCLA, I wonder if its the program for me. I also wonder if I should go back to the earlier plan, before the reconsideration, which was to work for a couple of years before I start PhD work.
Here's the deal: I love learning. But I also love being a part of college student formation and development. Will doing PhD work make it easier or harder to transform college students? I don't know.
What are my goals once I have a PhD? I don't know.
ARGH! And now I have people helping me through this process that are totally gung ho about it... and I am unsure. Some days I am really excited about the opportunity to apply and continue in school. Other days I want to abandon it all and go back to my earlier plan of getting a job at Pepperdine and living out my days in Malibu.
And then I think - is a PhD in Education the right choice? Maybe I should be going to Seminary and getting a degree in Spiritual Formation. Maybe I should be getting a degree in Counseling Psychology.
So here I am. Confused, a little bit frustrated at myself, and not wanting to let anyone down. I think i just realized that I may have some "people pleasing" issues.
That is it for today. t-minus 35 days until applications are due at UCLA and USC. For now I'm going forward until I have more direction.
Pray for me.
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3 comments:
Wow, I was just praying about this for you this morning! I will continue to pray about it, with a listening heart. I really look forward to talking about it when you arrive in t- 9 days :-) If you get a chance listen to pastor Doug's message from last week (29th) online. I think it will be a good word for you (it's about a purpose driven life). Big Hugs!
Tiffani,
I have been thinking a lot about the PhD lately and feel a big tug to go and do it. I think the tug for me is more envy of where others are and what others are doing. It's hard not to compare titles and such with others in our field, especially having worked for a few years before grad school. I'm going to stay here a little longer because I love my job and I want to continue in it.
Tiffani, I guess my thoughts are this: are you going to get your PhD just to get it, or would it really, truly, make you more effective at what you want to do? I guess I am not for doing something just for the sake of doing it, but doing it purposefully. If the answer is "yes" go for it, otherwise I'd say: there are ladies out there hungry, ready, and waiting for someone to shepherd them!
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