ME. That's who I am.

There are a number of songs that talk about "who I am" - and today as I read an article about the injustices we, as a nation, are committing to our lower-income high school students in (essentially) barring them from college, I was reminded again about who I am. I've rephrased the song by Jessica Andrews ("Who I Am") below (and you should check out the real lyrics... because they are good, too!).

Chorus:
I am Joy and Dick's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My folks are still my biggest fans
Sometimes I'm wish I could be more things
But I've got a God who loves me
And I know just where I stand
They're all a part of me
And that's who I am

So, I know who I am.

I can define myself by labels of my work (GA for Univ. Ministries), my education (master's student in higher ed; fashion merchandising major), my family (the only daughter), my looks (brown-haired, blue-eyed bombshell...), my home (Waco, Seattle), my religion (Christian), my income (low), my prospects (high), or my interests (games, laughing, Jesus). But none of them really define me, or even, when all put together really tell you that much about me.

I'm reading this article tonight about the myth of access to a college education for a large percentage of the population. I say its a myth not to be controversial, but because frankly... it is. As Americans we believe that everyone has the option to go to college and get a great job - everyone can "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" but its not true. The fact of the matter is that in America there are huge inequities when it comes to many areas that we recognize every day - we just don't realize college is one of them. We hear the plight of the middle-class family (and I participated in this plight, mind you - we couldn't afford the college I wanted to go to, despite good grades and high test scores, we simply made "too much" money to earn any financial aid), however, we don't hear the day to day stories of the lower-income families, and the moderate-income families.

We don't know (because no one tells us) that the majority of students who take college preparation courses come from high socio-economic backgrounds. They can afford these courses. We don't think about the fact that many students from lower incomes must work even while in high school, sometimes to help create a living wage for their family. And even if we DO think of that... we think, "its OK, though, the government will help them afford college."

And we weren't told that: 1) they may have less chance of getting admitted because of their lowered opportunity to excel in school (due to many factors beyond their control), 2) once admitted, because their scores are lower they will receive less merit aid than their higher-income counterparts, and 3) 1/3 of their financial aid will come from work-study and loans, which means that they will have to pay up to 1/2 of their college bill out of pocket and then work to recoup a portion of that money through working on campus.

Finally, we weren't told that work-study often lowers the probability of degree completion (Fitzgerald, 2003). Listen to this statistic: Only 22 percent of college-qualified low-income high school graduates will earn a bachelor's degree, compared with 62 percent of similar high-income students (similar in grades/test scores/and other non-financial pre-college characteristics).

Now, here is part of who I am. I am the first in my immediate family to graduate from a four-year college. My parents both attended college, but my dad had to work to pay for his education at Cornell. He worked nights and couldn't keep up with his classes and had to drop out. He was one of 7 children in his family. A few of his siblings did complete degrees, but my dad started working after leaving New York, and never finished his degree. My mom started at a community college and transfered to a state school. She met my dad because she was roommates with one of his sisters. She was working as a telephone operator. I'm not sure why she didn't finish her degree... but she stayed with the phone company and was promoted and has been with them 35 years. Of the 15 cousins on both sides, 7-10 of us (I think) have completed some sort of college degree program, 1 is still too young for college.

My family never had a lot of money. I certainly didn't want for anything (except to attend Washington University in St. Louis) that I didn't ultimately get, but I started working one week to the day after I turned 16 (and could I have guaranteed getting my license on my 16th birthday, I would have started working that day, I'm sure). I worked to pay for the things my parents couldn't pay for, but that I wanted to do - cheerleading camp and uniform, trip to France after graduation. My parents and I split my college costs - they paid tuition at a state college and I paid room and board. I worked in food services for the first 3 years of my college career (in the middle of my second quarter of my freshman year, I applied for and obtained a job as a student manager, which meant my board was free - I now only had to pay dorm rent). I had less money than my friends in college, and I didn't have a car until I was a senior - and that car was borrowed for the year from my younger brother.

And now I'm in graduate school. I'll be the first person in my immediate family to get a graduate degree. My mom's parents did not have bachelor's degrees, my dad's parents did not compete graduate study that I know of. Their families before them immigrated to America.

Part of the benefit of a college education is to move your family up in socio-economic status... if you can get into a college, if you can afford it.

I have the amazing blessing to be able to study at Baylor right now. I will make $9,000 this year in income... the US Government says I should be able to contribute $3,600 toward my own education. I assume they are speaking of loans, since otherwise that would leave me approximately $5,000 to live on for 12 months and my expenses for the year are about $9,000. I already took out one loan for this year - unsubsidized because two years ago my income was $24,000 and apparently I should have to pay interest, because I was loaded then. I don't know if I'll qualify for a subsidized loan this year (and be able to pay back the other loan with it - just to save myself a year of interest), but I do know that what I'm facing is nothing compared with the normal undergraduate whose parents have a low income and a family to support.

My tuition is paid for by Baylor, because I work as a GA. But even better - they are going to pay me the $9,000 so that I can eat and keep my apartment. Its a great gig.

And so the question for me, for ME as I discern who I am is: what am I going to do with this blessing?

* Am I going to work in private higher education, advocating for access and helping to develop future leaders of the world from monied backgrounds and giving them a cause to support?
* Am I going to work in community college education, supporting those who may be the first in their family to ever step foot inside a college classroom, working in an institution designed to offer access to all?
* Am I going to work in a think tank, devising new ways to increase access to low-income families and for the government to do its job and help people get into college?

I don't know the answers, and now its late and I have to go to bed. I don't want to forget the outrage I feel about this situation. I don't want to disregard the discomfort of living in a country that acts like it has it all together, but really is leaving an entire generation behind. And I don't want to think that all of this doesn't affect me. I pray the Lord would continue to open my heart to see injustice and inequity and have vision of how to be a part of a solution instead of just a shouter of the problems. I pray that the statistics would prove wrong and that as a nation we would change our ways of pandering to high-income tax-payers and really help those in need. And I pray that I would know more and more "who I am."

Now.....Who are you?